It has happened!… I have given birth to a beautiful baby boy.
Amazing the emotions that comes up with the arrival of a baby in your life. It’s nothing I have ever felt before. Not all are good, depending on the circumstances, I can jump quickly from joy to sadness. Your life is turned upside down and there is nothing you can control, but the love is always there no matter what.
William was born at 41 weeks on 19thJune of this year.
Minor complications at birth, something that doctors, and nurses are seeing every day, but for me it was like going through hell and back, physically but especially emotionally. I know that 50 years ago my baby would probably not have made it, and this realisation of today’s possibilities in the medical area made me become very grateful and even more attached to my little man.
He was born at 2.715kg and 49cm with sugar level extremely low. I had a temperature too which was a risk of infections. We also later on discovered that he was low on salt. Doctors also found my placenta to be degraded, which probably would have been the cause of an underweight baby with sugar levels being low, my guess is William was not getting any good nutrients anymore for days due to my placenta fading quickly past due date.
We spent 5 days at the hospital. 3 days for William in intensive care to get his levels back to normal and consistent and another 2 days to work out the breastfeeding.
Something I would have never imagined to be so difficult… the breastfeeding! Something that I expected to be natural and without difficulty became the stress of the beginning of my life as a mother. Then comes the crying from my newborn with pain I felt he was not going to make it. Then comes the restless nights, the exhaustion, the loss of appetite and energy to do yourself any good. I felt, and I am still recovering from it, tired and unhealthy, unmotivated and anxious… There is also the fact that I can’t work, which is normal, any mother would be having maternity leave, but I am 2 months in and feel the need to be appreciated for the work I do. And right now, I feel unsupportive to the finances of our household.
Breastfeeding. What makes it so hard?
Aren’t they made for giving breast milk when a baby comes? I pushed for 5 weeks, trying to breastfeed, working on a pump every 3 hours, hurting so much I was crying out of pain until I decided to give up. And then the guilt kicks in. You start wondering if you shouldn’t have done this longer, maybe I would have gone through this. I heard stories from other women taking months before they worked it out. I felt like a gave up too quickly and started to beat me down. I got told to give up one stressor. I stopped on trying and straight away felt better for taking that decision. But I still wish deep in my heart I could have breastfed, it is something I miss terribly as a new mother, and that feeling is there every time I see a mum breastfeeding.
The crying. What is it that my baby needs?
I know a baby cries a lot, but there is crying… and then there is CRYING! Crying to make you aware that he needs attention, like being hungry, needing a nappy change or being tired, is one normal sort of crying I can understand. But the CRYING to a point of ripping his lungs out and almost not breathing anymore, he becomes so red and tensed, I thought something was so wrong I ended up at the hospital twice and at the GP a few times as well because I was so scared of him even dying… I overreacted! Babies have another 2 reasons for crying:
- Tummy pain. That seems to be a classic for all newborns at so many different levels. And my baby seems to react to it very strongly. It is part of a growing process that babies can’t handle very well. Of course, on top of that having to give him formula milk because I stopped the breastfeeding is probably not helping.
- Purple cries. For no particular reasons, a baby would cry and just needs comfort and cuddles until it stops. Mine is not so much into this. As I really believe the issue that he is having are painful winds not coming out nicely.
Here he is. My little man. I fall in love all over again. A different love. The kind of love that has a connection made within you, within your womb when William was growing inside. I feel like I have a responsibility, I want to give him everything he needs, I want to ensure he is well. I watch him sleep and can’t sleep without an ear open for a sound and can’t wait for him to wake up because I miss him. When he cries, I cry. When he laughs, I want to hug him, so much joy he brings me. It is all to be felt by living these moments, explaining it is just not the same.
A baby requires food much frequently as they have much smaller stomachs and are growing very rapidly. It does become exhausting having to feed every 3 hours, but thanks to my husband contributing to the house works, he relieves me where ever he can. I very often end up by spending my entire day in my pyjamas… Hahaha… Depending on the night I had and how the day progresses, if I have a happy easy baby today or not.
3 months in and we are starting to get used to our family life!
William is turning 3 months old and he is starting to look more like a little man/toddler, not a newborn anymore. He has changed so much. Now he weighs 5.3kg for 61cm, can do all the tricks in the book for a baby of his age. I am so proud every time I see some growth which is happening every week. He is such a happy baby, smiling all the time and we can really start having fun with him. Even Fred was surprised how he was able to have fun already with him and missing him when he does not see him for a while. I did not let Fred get close to William when he was sick that Fred really missed having him in his arms. That connection with Daddy has definitely happened and they are bonding so well together.
Journey to Freedom Sailing 